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3:38 pm
Hello dear friends and welcome to Monaco.
I say welcome to Monaco, but I mean that in a more figurative sense as I am, in fact, sat 22 floors up in Canary Wharf, gazing across London’s sun-mottled edifices.
It’s Champions League draw day, which is all fairly exciting if you’re a fan of one of the four-strong English contingent, or a Celtic aficionado.
Otherwise, some might say it’s simply another chance to remind the have-nots really how much they haven’t got, but that’s probably a debate for a different live blog.
Nobody wants to piss on Gianni Infantino’s chips after all.
3:54 pm
And so, before it all gets truly underway allow us to drop you a wee reminder about the possibilities here.
Our man in Manchester, David McDonnell, wrote last night that now would be the time Manchester City’s Champions League nightmare last year came back to haunt them – and looking at the potential groups it is hard to argue.
Being in pot three means it will make it incredibly hard for them once again to qualify for the knockout stages, something they have never done.
on Man City’s strife.
4:04 pm
THE CHAAAAAMPIAAHHHHNS! Sky Sports News’ coverage has begun.
That’s 22 minutes after ours so 1-0 Mirror.
Oh, in vaguely Champions League news, Chelsea have just announced a strengthening to their squad ahead of the draw.
We are delighted to announce the signing of Samuel Eto'o…
— Chelsea FC (@chelseafc)
4:11 pm
One of our summer signings, Welsh wizard Richard Beech, has whipped up
Manchester United have had some fairly easy rides through the group draw in recent years, and we make the most favourable result for them to be:
Manchester United (or Arsenal/Chelsea for that matter)MarseilleOlympiakosAustria Vienna
If you’re a fan of any of the latter three clubs and are desperately offended by your inclusion then please direct all complaints to d.cameron@prime-minister.gov.uk – thanks.
4:18 pm
Crikey, what is this ‘reasoned debate’ I see before me?
Someone on Twitter has just asked us the following question:
We can argue over UEFA's coefficient system all we want but do we have a better alternative?
— Miracle *August 30* (@gudboi_)
4:21 pm
I can’t think of a better way of doing it, so if you do have any suggestions for a better method of ranking sides then please let us know, I’ll bounce it around the office and see what we get.
Perhaps they just make it a free-for-all and chuck 32 balls in a bucket?
But I suppose then if you got three English teams in a group then it would be a bit of a snorefest.
Hmmm, send us your thoughts @MirrorFootball
4:25 pm
TONS of responses to that debate! Here are some of the best:
it's the CHAMPIONS league. If you are a league CHAMPION you should be seeded higher than those that aren't. (and i'm a Gooner)
— Benji Crossley (@bopman1)
32 in the same pot & just pick them. No seeds. Old school.
— Alex Richards (@AA_Richards)
position basis? League winners in pot 1, second place for pot 2. And so on
— Hvb (@HvbTweet)
4:34 pm
I think the following is a very good point:
co-efficients are fine, it'll level itself out eventually, just lots of volatility with big teams at the moment
— Bob Bamber (@BobbyBamber)
But what I’d add to that is that it’s the nouveau riche (apologies for the phrase) who are experiencing the most problems.
For example, when Monaco inevitably qualify for the Champions League next season they’ll be in Pot 4.
That will be an absolutely horrendous surprise for one group who could find themselves up against the most expensively-assembled team ever.
Clubs like Borussia Dortmund who have built gradually and organically are still feeling their way into the reckoning in Europe, but being drawn in a low Pot makes it harder for them to progress, ergo it makes it harder for them to get a better coefficient and earn the money to improve.
A vicious cycle, if you will.
4:34 pm
And the most pertinent of arguments from the Telegraph’s Jonathan Liew here:
Very simple. Weight recent performances more heavily. Werder Bremen still top 32 despite not qualifying for Europe since 2010.
— Jonathan Liew (@jonathanliew)
4:42 pm
Not long until draw time now.
I say draw time, what I mean is it’s not long until they begin the tedious pre-draw explanations and flattery but we’re actually quite a way off the balls being saved from their spherical perspex hell.
Oh yeah, and I heard a rumour Cristiano Ronaldo is NOT in Monaco today.
He is up for an award after the draw, so obviously doesn’t want to be pictured all sour-faced after Messi beats him to an award… again.
4:43 pm
I’m strongly in favour of this suggestion from our man Iain Macintosh:
Can we elect just one person to tweet the CL draw so that our timelines don't explode with team names? I vote , he's never busy.
— Iain Macintosh (@iainmacintosh)
4:46 pm
This is a handy little picture.
It quite clearly shows the six teams you don’t want to draw in terms of travel difficulties.
The atmosphere also tends to be pretty feisty there too.
4:48 pm
NOW PLAYING: Cringing montage scene with Lionel Messi doing stuff (we’re not really sure what).
And here are our hosts!
The delightful Melanie Winiger (me neither) and the Yanko-European voice of Pedro Pinto are our hosts for the afternoon/evening.
I’m sure their jovial manners will cut right through the tedium.
Ahem.
4:50 pm
Oh look, a montage!
It’s impossible to watch any unintentionally funny montage without due reference to the ultimate takedown.
4:56 pm
Right, time for a trip to maths corner.
Because no two teams from the same country can be drawn together, when we look at the pot configuration we can work out how likely it is that certain teams are drawn together.
For example:
Schalke have a 38% chance of being drawn vs Real Madrid or Barcelona – the most likely pairingThe second most-likely pairing is Manchester United and Borussia Dortmund (26%)There is a 15% chance that Barcelona or Real Madrid will end up in a group with Man City5:00 pm
This is hideous. Utterly hideous (and it will probably be in Lionel Messi’s hands later)
Correct ": UEFA best player is worst football trophy ever. "
— Danny Last (@DannyLast)
5:02 pm
It’s everyone’s favourite time of the draw, when Italian egg impersonator Gianni Infantino goes through the draw process in LUDICROUSLY EXCRUCIATING DETAIL just so everyone in the room is aware of how complex and difficult it is to draw some balls out of pots.
Hopefully we’re getting nearer.
Oh, they’re going through the pots for us. Brilliant.
Just Pot 1? Oh, we’re about to begin! STAND BY YOUR BEDS….
5:04 pm
Group F: Arsenal. The Gunners are first out and win the Champions League draw!
Or something like that.
Group F. The sixth one. There you go.
5:05 pm
Group E: Chelsea!
The British teams are romping home in this Champions League draw so far.
Luis Figo picks the group out… and it’s Group E.
5:06 pm
Group B: Real Madrid.
Apparently they’re expecting to make a new signing in the coming days.
Rest assured we’re ferreting away trying to work out who it is for you.
5:07 pm
Group D: Bayern Munich.
Last year’s champions, now with Pep Guardiola in charge, are in Group D.
This means they’re in Group D. We know nothing more at this time. Thank you for your patience.
5:09 pm
Group H: Barcelona.
In terms of away trips, it would be a nice one – but you’d not be returning with any points.
Gerardo Martino’s first taste of the Champions League.
5:09 pm
Group C: Benfica.
The Portuguese giants are one of the softer draws in that top pot, so Man City will be watching out for that one.
5:10 pm
Group G: Porto.
Always a contender with their South American imports, Porto are under new management again.
They’re in the second half of the draw.
5:11 pm
Group A: Man United.
There we are.
David Moyes’ first proper tilt at the Champions League and he’s in the first group.
5:13 pm
Man United in Group A, which means (I think) that City can’t now be drawn with Benfica in Group C – Porto would be their easiest pot one draw.
Meanwhile, in other news:
In terms of sniggering ignorantly at Europeans' grasp of English and overly-complex procedures, this is football's equivalent of Eurovision.
— Football Clichés (@FootballCliches)
5:15 pm
Pot two now and first out is Marseille.
They go into Group F – with Arsenal.
They’ll be pretty happy with that you’d venture. What we’d outlined as the softest draw from the second pot.
5:17 pm
Group H: Barcelona, Milan – Ouchy.
Unfortunately it’s a fixture we had last year, but still a decent match-up.
5:17 pm
Group E: Chelsea, Schalke – not bad for Chelsea.
Not bad at all.
They’ll be happy with that as long as they avoid a clanger in pot three.
5:18 pm
Group C: Benfica, Paris Saint-Germain – a tough one for the Portuguese champions.
PSG will be looking to make a mark again after narrowly being eliminated by Barca last season.
5:20 pm
Group D: Bayern, CSKA Moscow – the Russians drawn with the champs.
Not easy for them, and given that they’ve sped up slightly I can also announce that Atletico Madrid join Porto in Group G.
Juventus still there…
5:21 pm
Group B: Real Madrid, Juventus – boom!
A belting group shaping up there.
Will be a great tie at least.
5:22 pm
Group A: Man United, Shakhtar Donetsk – and it’s a long, difficult trip for United.
Shakhtar may have sold Willian but they’ve also strengthened well this summer – as always.
I’m a fan of Facundo ‘Chucky’ Ferreyra, who they picked up from Argentine side Vélez last month.
5:26 pm
Group E: Chelsea, Schalke, Basel – Jose Mourinho giggles to himself.
Them of the epic Tottenham Hotspur encounter will return to London.
Is Marco Streller still playing?
5:27 pm
Group C: Benfica, Paris Saint-Germain, Olympiakos – PSG will be loving this.
Galatasaray out next, and they’re in Group B with Real Madrid & Juventus.
City avoid one group of death.
5:29 pm
Group A: Man United, Shakhtar Donetsk, Bayer Leverkusen – United get a trip to Germany.
Not terrible for David Moyes so far.
Zenit St Petersburg out now. Big spenders. And they are in Group G with Porto & Atletico.
5:30 pm
Group H: Barcelona, Milan, Ajax – a group of early 90s beauty.
Wonderful memories wrapped up in that group.
5:31 pm
Group D: Bayern, CSKA Moscow, Man City.
Ouch.
Tough stuff for Manuel Pellegrini, who has to impress his new owners on the continental stage.
5:32 pm
Group F: Arsenal, Marseille, Dortmund – good.
Good. Strong. Solid.
Arsenal got off nicely from the second pot but have been bitten by the third.
Napoli to top it off and things are difficult.
5:33 pm
POT 4: Rafa Benitez’s Napoli are indisputably the team to avoid.
Former QPR manager and Champions League winner Paulo Sousa is going to help out with the conclusion of the draw.
Let’s go then…
5:35 pm
Napoli out first:
Group F!
Arsenal, Marseille, Dortmund, Napoli – it’s an absolute rotter for Arsene Wenger.
5:37 pm
Group A: Man United, Shakhtar Donetsk, Bayer Leverkusen, Real Sociedad.
A beautiful trip for travelling Mancs as they get a midweek jaunt to San Sebastian.
Group C: Benfica, Paris Saint-Germain, Olympiakos, Anderlecht.
5:38 pm
Group H: Barcelona, Milan, Ajax, Celtic.
A stonker for the Scots.
5:40 pm
Group E: Chelsea, Schalke, Basel, Steaua Bucharest.
Jose’s unable to keep it as a giggle and rolls around on the floor laughing.
Group B: Real Madrid, Juventus, Galatasaray, Copenhagen.
5:41 pm
Group D: Bayern, CSKA Moscow, Man City, Viktoria Plzen.
It could have been worse, I suppose.
And the draw finishes with…
Group G: Porto, Atletico Madrid, Zenit, Austria Wien.
5:43 pm
The Champions League group draw – in full:
Group A: Man United, Shakhtar Donetsk, Bayer Leverkusen, Real SociedadGroup B: Real Madrid, Juventus, Galatasaray, CopenhagenGroup C: Benfica, Paris Saint-Germain, Olympiakos, AnderlechtGroup D: Bayern, CSKA Moscow, Man City, Viktoria PlzenGroup E: Chelsea, Schalke, Basel, Steaua BucharestGroup F: Arsenal, Marseille, Dortmund, NapoliGroup G: Porto, Atletico Madrid, Zenit, Austria WienGroup H: Barcelona, Milan, Ajax, Celtic 5:51 pm
Analysis: Well, what is there to say about that?
Arsenal have got a really tricky draw, and Rafael Benitez’s return to Napoli (allied with Gonzalo Higuaín’s presence) makes for at least two interesting ties – not to mention Jurgen Klopp and Dortmund being in town.
Chelsea will be rolling around with laughter, an easier draw they barely could have dreamed of.
Manchester United have a long journey to Donetsk, but otherwise David Moyes will be breathing a sigh of relief ahead of a period where he’ll be under unprecedented pressure.
Manchester City must play the champions, and while Moscow is never an easy trip you’d have to trust Manuel Pellegrini’s nous in Europe to see them through.
And Celtic? Well Lineker says it best…
Bye bye Celtic!
— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker)